friday the first.

friday night

a surprise

the plan was to go home
save money
not spend

there are many things happening
saturday
sunday
and so on

so i was happy to spend friday night alone

the surprise came
when instead, i ended up asking a co-worker
i'd been awkwardly talking to for weeks
if he felt like getting a drink

"sure"
i believe was his reply
immediate
instant

drinks turned into dinner
at a greek restaurant in midtown

not romantic
not sexual even
and certainly not the first great night i've shared since matt died
by any means

but
different somehow
more alive than recent memory

maybe just because it was someone BRAND NEW

at this point
i'm used to making excuses
for reasons why i need to head home

there's always the dog
exhaustion
or a commercial to shoot the next morning

but tonight
miracle of miracles

with no ulterior motives
and absolutely no desire to get in his pants
i didn't want to go home alone

there were movies
and wine
plus more conversation to share

the time to part just didn't feel ready

my co-worker
jonathan
ended up saying, after many hours together
that he
in fact
did need to get home

which was absolutely 100% o.k. by me

it was those past few hours that had mattered
savoring talking to someone new
loving how hard i'd had to WORK
just getting him to open up

maybe it was the wine we shared
glass after glass of it

but it reminded me of life
and particularly the fact
that i'm still living it

i got home
to my dog
where we went on her walk

& some time later
as chris garneau sang
i bounced one of my dog's many tennis balls

up and down
up and down, it went

and with each rise and fall
she lept
euphoric in the desire
the belief
the knowledge
that, in time, that ball would be hers

belief

in the ball
in the knowledge that you'll catch it
in time

up and down it went
and i smiled, as saturday morning began

for hope enters
and rises and falls

but stays, in the end, for good.