(It's About Time)s Square

I thought I was supposed to be the drama kid, the Broadway Baby, the theatre queen? I thought I was supposed to be up to the minute on all the new scores, all the new shows and all the new show-stoppers? I thought I was the person who goes to the theatre come rain or come shine, for richer or poorer, for better or worse? So why is it that the last show I've seen was a flop called "In My Life" that's already closed two days ago?
I know my theatrical obsessions have slowed a bit in the last year or so as I attempt to focus on an actual career of my own. But this is just getting to be ridiculous! "The Color Purple" "The Woman in White" "The Odd Couple" "The Dancer's Life" Lots of other premieres with the word "The" in the title...
Somebody invite me to a goddamned play for the love of God fo' I go apeshit and pull a King Kong! Cause Ima' go crazy and Nathan Lane is comin' up the Empire State Building with me!