whore dream

daylight into nighttime napping
the house i grew up in
the backyard
i awake from an in-and-out slumber
screaming enters my ears
not human
i twist the blinds
open
my father, little brother and two older pat morita types
climb down from a window
that in reality doesn't open
they carry with them a large heron
identical to the ones that live in our real-life backyard pond
maybe i hadn't seen the other one there before
because the heron becomes two herons
and then three
and then four
two adults
two babies
the asian men who are and aren't pat morita
follow my father
who is and isn't really him
why is my half-dad grasping the flailing heron by its legs
why is any of this happening
i
in life
and in dream
am only half awake
my father takes the shovel
that hadn't been there before
and begins to hit the heron upon the head
screaming
through glass
and consciousness
no sound escapes my mouth
he hits the heron again
i actually see it blink
and again
now the bird screams have stopped
it shakes its once regal head
confused but alive
and he hits the heron again
but now
for no reason
the bird takes one of its babies
i don't see how
distracted by voices
this story is being explained to me
by no one at all
the why of this scene is that
the birds have begun to terrorize our cats
taking them in their mouths and torturing them
they also torture the infants
the babies
siblings that i don't actually have
these siblings are dressed in victorian lace
i see them
but they are in no way mine
the birds have to be done away with
not the birds
the herons
and then something that could never happen
does
the mama heron takes the baby heron deep into the pond
i am now outside
on the other end
someone seems to be next to me
i feel the presence
but they are more spirit than human
so essentially
i am alone
the heron takes her baby to my side of the pond
the all alone side
and she dunks her
knowing what as mother she must do
coming back up the baby doesn't cough
she only opens her beak to release the water
and to open her lungs back up to oxygen
before she is dunked back under again
and again
and again
i scream
alone
on the side of the pond that turned out to be even more terrifying than the other
it is all too awful
and i begin to cry
this time out loud
in dreamland
and the cry screams continue
for just a moment or two longer
before i wake up