rosie and me

(originally written in an email sent on october 9, 2007)


it may not have been the first time
i met or spoke with rosie

heck, it wasn't even the first time i took a picture with her

but nevertheless
today
at about 2:00 pm
i had my first REAL "talk"
with the human who has most influenced my life
without ever being in it

we talked about matt
about his tragedy
and about the thousand pic collage on my walls in arkansas

i thanked her
for what she'd written to a woman whose child had died in her arms

"in faith
in the memory
u carry on"

and told her also
that she'd altered the course of my life completely

then she actually thanked me
told me she got it
the collages and the need
"i used to do that too," she chuckled

she mentioned just how young i looked
and handsome
asked me how old i might be...
"25," i whispered
"just a baby," she replied

she stared into my eyes
deep
i tried to keep the contact
fought looking at the floor

it's hard to meet that person
celebrity or otherwise
alone
one on one
after dreaming the moment for half your life

today it came
that time when i could briefly tell my story
make an impact
a small impression on her heart

connection
always the goal

she said "you remind me of that tobey macguire"
"yeah, i get that" i dry-mouth whispered.. "both him and robert downey jr."

"no, more tobey macguire, i think" she replied
looking for that innate goodness
the superhero
unable to see the demons
lurking just below the surface

it was brief i guess
but an eternity

a minute or two
and it was through

she looked at me
deep
and i moved her
i felt it, the soul-quake
with matt and me
love, loss and loneliness

the heart can swell to unspeakable sizes
and soar to impossible heights

if you let it
the heart can swell and grow

when i thanked her for what she'd written

"in faith
in the memory
u carry on"

i also informed her that upon reading it
i'd smiled for perhaps the first real time since matt's death
and knew i'd be alright

"you will be" she said
"you will"

and in no small part
because of her