radio. enters. me.

sunday
a mcdonald's
near times square
vaguely depressed
just vaguely
like rainy sunday afternoon depressed
but with headache to boot
i'm at the mcdonald's
because i'm seeing a show in an hour & a half
i spent far too much on dinner the night before
and the new york sports club on 48th and 6th
(which i'd planned to work out at before the performance)
is inexplicably closed
so of course my mind goes
well
if the gym is closed
i might as well eat filet-o-fish
with fries, a diet coke and three cookies
two chocolate chip
one oatmeal
(all of which i'll save for later)
makes sense right?
so here i am
alone
on the third floor of an exceptionally crowded
mickey d's
slightly, vaguely depressed
with an hour and a half to kill
just eating my junk
when from the sound system i hadn't even noticed was on
r.e.m. sweeps in from out of nowhere
to momentarily save my life
"at my most beautiful"
an obscure song choice
particularly for the largest chain restaurant
in the universe
because this song is small
tiny, really
from their album "up"
which is pretty much genius
and when the song comes on
on and upward
out of the abyss
gorgeous
achingly so
i feel for a moment like i'm maybe in this time & place for a reason
that perhaps there just might be a plan at work
i mean, there has to be
it's a sunday afternoon
brunch time
and i could be a million different places
at pastis with a group of six
(if i hadn't spent so much the night before)
or an investment banker, a doctor, a lawyer
should be any of these, perhaps
but i'm not
because i can't be
and for the moment i'm just here
trying to figure it all out in my own way
about to see the broadway show "passing strange"
about another artist's journey towards himself
it's crazy just how comfortable i am
comfortable, and lucky
that i can even have the opportunity
to reflect
to moan
to simply be depressed
instead of hungry
or unhealthy
or torn apart by war
yeah, i'm fucking lucky
but somehow
still as lost as ever
as the rain keeps vaguely falling
and the headache keeps vaguely throbbing
while the gym stays completely closed
i may be lost
but, for now i'll just sit
taking it all in