what isn't said, what isn't seen
is this exploitative?
to write a personal web log detailing one year in your life
becomes tricky
once your everyday existence wraps itself so tightly
around another soul's
but then
it becomes even trickier
once that shared life begins to potentially unravel
i didn't write during those darkest of days
both out of commitment to our privacy
and a personal inability to make sense of it all
but now
as we steadfastly begin the process to repair
those vast and endless past-days stare at me, call at me, taunt me to profess
there's simply all those Missed Days
where i have to COME UP WITH SOMETHING TO WRITE ABOUT
i just don't know what
or how much
to say
when it comes to he and i
i went to work
we fought
i'd say it's over
and somehow we'd forgive
i'd go to work
we fought
he'd say there was nothing left in him
and somehow we'd forget
this is all that happened
this is all we did
but
if i write about it
the fighting
the screaming
the anger
the tears
then i'm selling our privacy to the faceless-outside-you
and if i say nothing
then somehow i'm dishonest
covering up our truth
hiding what happens in real life
making it look so easy
turning grown love to a lie
in spite of every faith-filled word i've put here
and after every truth i've told
the honest to goodness reality
is that i have nothing in my life i wish to hide
but it's not just my life any longer
i don't know what to do
he clearly matters so much more than a blog entry
a story
a pot-shot
or a jab
but the truth
the truth
in spite of everything
is still somehow all i know
2 Comments:
I have the same issue with my boyfriend. I cannot post details of our arguments on my blog because I value our relationship too much. And then my blog is no longer a personal account, but a personal account sans the really sticky stuff... which is what we're wanting to write about in the first place.
Catch-22.
as is the dilemma with this very "PUBLIC" form of expression.
it ain't just Journals any longer...
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