the awful, awful afterthought

i don't know where i'm living
i don't know where to go

stay alone, and live here with these ghosts
stay, and perhaps find a friend to join

move, and leave him sleeping here himself
move, and sublet all to anyone

stay...
stay, with him
and try, try, try to try

This Isn't Working

there's no other way around it

this isn't working
i've done all i can do

i won't demean what we have built
in these past fifteen months
with sordid details to the nameless you
but
needless to say, something has shifted
something has possibly died

open communication, honesty
can only work when two of you want it
love cannot continue when one has given up

there is anger beyond anger
hurt beyond the hurt

there are words not said that kill us
there are said words, do the same

i am heartbroken, sad and angry
and i hold it all inside

the walls of this home
shift back and forth
from ours to theirs to no ones

one moment
possibility in picture frames
the next
reminders of the dead

movers
and
brokers
and
sublets
and
loss

changes
and
sadness
and
regret
and then
cost

there is no clear path before us / me
there is no clear answer there

i hear from each and every person
"i don't know what to tell you"
"i don't know what to say"

is it space we need?
or connection?
is it forgiveness?
is it through?

i cannot answer that for anyone
but myself
i cannot answer that for YOU