The Only Way To Travel

A homeless woman serenaded me on the subway this afternoon
We'd gotten a good three or four stops together before she even seemed to notice I existed
quite evidently drunk and with either the lower part of her stomach or the upper section of her lady-parts exposed
it must have been once her friend left that I caught her eye
she had been talking loudly to this other lady for many stops and I admit I paused my ipod briefly to see if they were saying anything of interest
but when I found that they in fact weren't I allowed the music to resume and figured it would end at that
not much later, somewhere between astor place and bleecker I believe, old "home-y" took it upon herself to wrassle up some entertainment
and it came in the form of, me
A large, heavy-breathing nearly bearded woman
she began to sing aloud either an old Cole Porter standard or a random selection from inside her hooch-drenched mind
I, for the record, couldn't tell the difference
"Heey, theere Cuuuttttiiiieeee!"
she couldn't be talking to me...
I'm not even looking in her direction
"Heeeeeyy, theeeeerre Cuuuutttttiiiieeee!"
is she Singing?
she continued and at this time took it upon herself to stand
"Heeey theeerre Littttllle Daarrrrrrrlinnnnnn!'"
my face flushed
I could feel it
no one seemed to be looking at either her or me but she was definitely standing (well, tilting might be the better description) and she was certainly projecting this "song" directly at me
it continued
and now she began to girate upon the subway arm pole
not half a foot away
"Yooouuuu maaaaakkkee me feeeeelllll"
"Yooooouuuuu maaaaaaaakkkkeee meeee feeeelll
reeeeaaaallll gooooddddd insiiiiiiiiddeeee!!!!"
Unable to maintain my toddller-like embarrassment
about this time I began to laugh
not in a cruel way, but in a warm, awkward manner that I assume only egged her on
the whole scene was just too surreal
deep, deep underground and out of absolutely nowhere a large, heavily intoxicated older woman began to sing a song about love and desire to a young, only slightly offended man
it all seemed to have the makings of an epic poem if looked at properly
so, in what I imagined was an effort to further seduce me,
she began to hoist her leg up next to mine
and it was only when she lost her footing that her singing came to a halt
Before I knew what was happening she was off at one stop or another
and before much longer I was off at mine
I felt a bit used by the whole situation if I may be so bold
all that build-up and not so much as a number to take home with me
nothing, really, but the memory
to keep me warm at night