song title #2: "Another Day"

loyalty is difficult
and I was tested today

call me over-dramatic, a loser, a freak
but for about the last six months I have literally been DYING to see the film version of "Rent"
nearly every other day involves checking the various online "Rent" sites
i attended a cast signing at the Virgin Megastore in Times Square
the soundtrack has been on heavy rotation since its purchase a few weeks back
and I was nearly devastated to find out that the New York release date had been moved back from November 11th to November 23rd
needless to say, the show is one of my all-time favorites ever, if not THE all-time favorite, and I don't exaggerate in explaining that I more than eagerly await its film release

one of my best friends, Scottie, and I had planned to see the movie together for as long as we've known about its existence
tickets have been purchased and picked up for the midnight screening at the Ziegfeld this Tuesday
a dinner at the Life Cafe planned for before the event
a whole night really
built around our shared love and excitement over a piece of theatre that perhaps not only shifted but saved our lives

so I'm literally counting down the seconds

but this afternoon, still a bit hung over from last night and just coming off a Bagel Bob's lunch and an in-house screening of "Dead Poets Society"
I got a phone call
one of my other best friends, Ashley, has just gotten tickets to a "Rent" screening this afternoon and she wants to know if I can come

moral crisis
(to me at least)
DYING, literally freaking DYING to see this movie as soon as possible
and one more free time couldn't hurt anybody...

I tell her to wait
and call Scottie
no answer
call Matt
no answer
call home
answer but now Matt's calling me back
I NEED AN ANSWER
though I already know it myself

long story short
(too late, I know)
I said "No"

I could have seen it today, seen it Tuesday, even seen it Wednesday and not a soul would be hurt
I could have just never even told Scottie and gone along like every sumptuous shot was as new to my eyes as his
I could have just said "screw everybody else, I've got a free ticket to a movie and I'm fuckin' seein' it!"
I know his feelings wouldn't have been hurt
it just wouldn't have been the same
having already seen it

maybe none of this makes sense
maybe none of this matters
maybe no one will even understand why this was such a minor, yet huge, dilemma for me
its just a movie after all
and I'll see it one way or another

I really hope I don't sound preachy right now
because that's not my intention at all
but
I did what I knew I had to do

There seems to be very little loyalty left in this world, in this city, in this life of mine anymore
maybe this was just the first step in change
maybe this gesture will be returned some day, in one form or another
and then again, maybe it won't
but Tuesday night, come hell or high water, gosh-darnit, I've gotta date
and I will be there
with the person I was meant to be there with
and that alone will be magical enough
to make the wait much more than worth it.