Black Friday

a dark day
for no apparent reason
it's chemical
I tell myself
"you wanna take one of my pills?"
"it'll bring your serotonin up"
matt says to me
always doing any and everything he can think of to make me feel better
knowing first hand what the darkness feels like
"no" I say
not sure if I should or shouldn't

a perfect, perfect, perfect day
the realization of a lifelong dream
love and acceptance
family and health
all brought together
under one roof
but that's the scariest part
now that it's all come true
what comes next?
is it only downhill from here?

"It's like my mind knows I'm happy"
I say
in bed
after shower
next to Matt
"but I'm not able to feel it"