THE BRINK

I made a list this afternoon of the things that needed to get done.
The list went something like this.

-Get a Job
-Pay Taxes
-Buy Toiletries
-LAUNDRY
-Buy Pot (for kitchen)
-Get Bradshaw final shot: Bordatella?
-Pay Bills

And as this list was rounding to a close, I started to ask myself, at what point do these huge requirements become a person's life?

Seriously though, and I'm not just looking for the answer: at age 18, BITCH! In all honesty, at what point does a person make this life altering transition and begin to come to terms with the new-found responsibilities that new-found freedom brings?

Now I know that this is a constant debate inside my head. And I'm also aware that the responsibilities I've listed pale in comparison to those of, let's say, raising a child or supporting a loved one. But, frankly it should be noted that I've always been the type of guy who LOVES making lists, buying toiletries or looking ahead to the future.

I'm just left wondering when all of these tasks became so undeniably adult? So inexpressibly sterile? So unavoidably expected?

It was one thing for the freshman in college-me to run down to the drug store and pick up a pack of cigs or a couple of Pink Lemonade Snapples. But it's an entirely different scenario to have the word "Job" sitting right there beside the word "Taxes."

Just another right of passage, I'm aware. And certainly not the first time I've found myself buying kitchen supplies or doing my own laundry. But it hits you, every so often (like an asteroid) that you're just not the kid you used to be.

I know he's still alive inside of who I am.

I know that I feel him there, more often than I'd care to admit. But I'm certainly not having "Runaway Bunny" read to me as I'm tucked into bed promptly at eight. I certainly don't eat rectangular sausage pizza from the cafeteria lunch room. I have no concept of the word "recess." And I no longer spend hours alone in front of my coloring books.

I might still be shading and texturing inside the lines. But those lines no longer make up the shape of my favorite cartoon adventurer or princess. Those lines are my life. The day to day. The realities. The inescapable truths.

I could look at this massive shift in time and space as a forward sweeping rocket ship destined to bring nothing more than back pain and facial sagging. Or I could look at it perhaps as life's greatest adventure. The tried and true path of following certain specific codes of conduct regarding the government or self-preservation while (throughout these undeniables) always, steadfastly remaining true to who I am.

Being a grown up isn't so scary.

Scary yes. But not SO scary. I think I just might like trying this on for the next few years. And right about when the adults-only world starts to seem as tiresome and predictable as the childhood-only world seemed to the six, ten or fourteen year old me, well, then it just might be time to start the crazy cycle all over again.

And bring some new adventurer, bravely and proudly, into this world.