psych sesh

butt in seat
crotch adjusted properly
is always a must these days
it seems that lately i'm very crotch centric
crotch phobic?
crotch aware?
at any rate i am very sensitive
to the junk being positioned properly
when seated anywhere
particularly in public
and double particularly
if i'm at any kind of special event
so you can imagine
for a moment
(if you were in my shoes)
that the question always arises
to go for the shift?
and risk everyone seeing
or not go for the shift?
and essentially wriggle in agony until the end of time
ok
i'm sorry
just got sidetracked by the crotch
it rules the mind
more than you'd know sometimes
and i apologize to all who are mortified
but with that
we move ahead
right
now
so this evening
butt in seat
and crotch adjusted properly
i might add
broadway's 'rabbit hole' played out before my eyes
or what was left of my eyes
what with the blur
the cloudiness
the un-clarity
and the soft focus
resulting from them
yeah, something was definitely going on in the cornea region
or was it the pupil?
the iris?
who the hell knows?
but i couldn't see
and all the contact adjustment in the world
would not help the situation at all
there seemed to be an excess of gunk
in the lids of the eye
and yet the center region remained for the most part dry
which made for splotchy vision
like there were fingerprints where clear sight should have been
so, the show played on
and i proceeded to be moved and affected
at the moments when these feelings were intended
but my damn eyes wouldn't stop bugging me
and yet somehow
this terrible affliction
which I'm going on and on about
didn't seem to be a nuisance during intermission
nor was it a problem before or after the curtain fell
but throughout the show i suffered
like i was being punished for enjoying the experience too much
like real life was sort of a blur already
so we'll let you off there
but if you're actually tuned in
to a piece of theatre
or an emotional journey
well, fuck you!
your eyes just can't live up to the sensation
and the fuzziness arrives
without warning
but the worst part is
that this isn't even an isolated incidence
the awareness of my splotchy, twinkly vision
has been happening over and over again
like right when a show i'm dying to see comes on
or when something important is about to happen in life
the blur washes over me
like clouds between myself and the picture
this ailment is either the effect of being in a dark room
or much, much scarier
it is simply myself
and my own very messed up mind
knowing that something important is happening
and my choices are either to see it perfectly clear
with absolutely no visual distractions
(which is often impossible)
or to tune it out completely
while focusing obsessively on my slightly obscured sight
you can't win
with a brain like mine
be it sight or sack
its like the casino
and a totalitarian leader
all rolled up in one
IT is making the rules
IT is calling the shots
the house always wins
with a brain like mine
and i'm just lucky to make it out alive