foreign language

breathe
a slip
wet
the shower a hazard zone
save yourself
i cry
be safe
i whisper

don't know what to write
or do
every word holds the potential
for pain
what step to take
what part of myself deserves listening

too young
i feel
but too old
also

worried
afraid
the e.r. was not in the plan
and i'm so far away
too far away
to help

are you alright
i type
can you hear me
i type
am i in this all alone
i type

terrified
to act
and
terrified
not to

is it the risk
that worries me
or the risk
that turns me on

fireworks
explode
within my body
only one way to exit
only one way to put them out

the white picket fence
is not
i fear
in my immediate future
but it isn't too late
for you
to tell me what to do

why did feelings have to become
destructive
why did it have to happen
now

because
the voice bellows
it was all in the plan