him. again.

i smear paint around
it's a mess

the hands forget

without practice
writing becomes difficult
painting becomes difficult

without practice
you lose everything

it seems dishonest to me
at the very least, misleading

that i come to this blog
in an attempt to write and share

but time and again
manage to avoid the truth
of the realities in my actual life

it's far too easy for me to write about
documentaries and churches
thoughts
fleeting moments in a day
hints and whispers

never getting at any actual events
of my time with friends
my time at work
my time in general

there was a man

for a short while there was a great man
who stepped in with the attempt
to bring me back to life

it was only five weeks
that jason and i were together

but sometimes five weeks is enough
for a person to leave his hand print
on your heart

those first baby steps
towards your future and your past

something new swept in
unexpected
unprepared
wonderful

but somehow
i couldn't figure out a way to write about it here
despite how strange it felt not mentioning it at all

i guess carrie bradshaw had it harder than i'd known...

but really
how do you get at the truth
of a budding relationship
when you're not sure how you feel yourself?

it wasn't meant to be
he and i
we figured that out together soon enough

but for a while it was fantastic
and there are no accidents

trust in the universe
it always finds a way to give you what you need
to move forward

stepping outside yourself
opening your eyes to a new person
it's a blessing

especially when that new person
is truly amazing

and double especially
when you've already had the privilege
of being blessed
before