the scar

beware of bathroom doors
at the restaurant park avenue spring

that's all i'm sayin'
before we begin

under different circumstances
filtered through another lens
i'm sure this story could be woven into a witty, self aware fable
about getting up again
when life, quite literally, slaps you cross the face

but i'm not too sure i'm that writer
or if this is even that time

all i know
is that after four stitches and excessive bruising
the area just beside my left eyebrow
is finally beginning to heal

i suppose i should blame marco...
my amazingly talented magician co-worker
who months ago got me phobic
of bathroom door handles

i don't touch them anymore
try not to, anyway
and predominantly because of him
& our detailed conversations about germs

so, as i was leaving this beautiful bathroom
at the restaurant park avenue spring

i gripped the bathroom door handle while still holding the hand towel
then quickly turned to throw the towel into the bin
when suddenly, BAM!
as i turned
i was pounded in the face by an incredibly heavy door

it didn't hurt
adrenaline must have set in

but instantly, blood
everywhere

and little old me
shocked, confused, a bit frightened
tip toeing towards the coat check
hand over face, hunched over
asking for a band aid

looong story short
it took a lot more than a band aid

what it took was a night with my dad in the emergency room
my parents were luckily
(if unfortunately for them)
in town at the time

and then a return to the e.r. five days later
to have the stitches removed
by a bleach blonde hospital employee
who looked almost exactly like matt

as if the entire situation had occurred
so that this exact moment could present itself

i could hear in my head...

"This is what your life could have been..."
"Visiting the hospital to see your doctor boyfriend..."
"Instead of visiting the hospital..."
"To have a surrogate stranger cut thread from your face..."

but, it was sad
because i see a lot of people that remind me of matt
he's almost everywhere to me

but this was a young man
probably just starting out his residency at mount sinai
essentially living the life that matt will never lead

and really
HOW MANY MEN
OVER THE AGE OF TWELVE
STILL HAVE COMPLETELY NATURAL BLEACH BLONDE HAIR?
honestly! maybe fifty?!

so here i am today
still healing

i told you this story wouldn't be funny
but maybe another day i'll tell it differently

that's the beauty of life, i suppose
it can always be remixed, remastered

only we own our pasts

and only we can own the scars that mark them