not good versus evil/ courage versus fear

i sat across from a little boy on the train this afternoon
he was maybe 7 or 8 and he sat beside his dad/ uncle/ guardian/ social worker
the adult was some sort of casual, only slightly paternal, father-ish figure
and i didn't pay him much mind
because
this boy just radiated charisma
his olive skin and near grey eyes shined bright beneath his
red hoodie, black and white camo jacket and oversized jeans
i think his voice was deeper than mine
with a raspy, almost hip-hop coolness that made him seem wise beyond his years
i did not know this kid
i won't pretend to understand his story or what troubles he's faced
i wouldn't know if his short life has been nothing more than a long string of gifts and successes
but he seemed
to this casual observer anyway
more comfortable in his skin than any person i'd seen
and i started to think
about my own body language
about my own voice
about my own choice of dress
and also about how that communicates the fears i live with daily
just how gay do i come across
just how uptight is my walk
why did i move my hands in that way
or say what i did so loudly in front of strangers
why am i afraid to wear what i want if its daylight
and why am i suddenly more comfortable in a suit & tie
why do i feel alive in my skin when surrounded by friends or lovers
but often feel so painfully
aware
when all alone
forget how we come across to others
that is not the point
how do we feel when we are with these others
how do we feel when we know we're being watched
i started to contemplate
why do so many of us try
to come across as more than ourselves
is it because we are not enough
why do so many of us try
to be what we know we'll never be
is it because we dream deeper than we live
and
why do so many of us try
to impress the countless throng of others
who will never ever be impressed
only because they'd never allow themselves to be
being the person you are
is the sincerest form of bravery
saying what's on your mind
is the most daring political action you can take
living the life that you could not change
no matter how much you wished it
boldly
bravely
loudly
passionately
is the most radically alive reaction you could ever make
and it seems, to me anyway, that
it
is
never
too
late
to
start.