Saturday Morning Cartoons

this morning
i woke up
and found myself
for maybe ten minutes at most
watching saturday morning cartoons
geez, i'm out of it
i realized
having never heard of any of them
'trollz'
'hanna montana'
'suite life of zack and cody'
i remember the good old days
of 'batman the animated series'
'x-men'
'rugrats'
'doug'
and 'saved by the bell'
there'll never be shows like that again
i knew
with an unwaveringly distinct sense of certainty
but as the corporate sponsors each got his 30 seconds
to shill the crap
well, that's when the real sense of nostalgia began
GOOD GOD
i thought
as a tsunami of emotions washed over my awareness
candied fruit roll up junk!
personalized voice-activated journals!
walkie-talkie-ish contraptions!
baby dolls that really pee and poop!
video games!
the sense memories overwhelmed me
with a heightened sugar rush of both joy and anxiety
the neediness of youth
the need to be loved
the need to fit in
the need to understand
the need to be taken seriously
the need to have everything everyone else has
the need to know just what that is
the need
the need
the need
we've all seen 'super size me' enough to know
the damaging effects of child-directed marketing
how many billions of dollars are spent annually
teaching your kids just how much to want that candy
just how much to need that junk food
just how much to have to have that crap they probably
wouldn't have wanted in the first place
but seeing it all there
surprisingly mostly the same shit they were selling
when i was a kid
only slightly updated
it was a shock
a jolt to the senses
a time-travel back to a distant reality
one that was inescapable at the time
but somehow awesome now
for a second it was
truly
awesome
but the thing that got me
the thing that ALWAYS gets me
and WILL always get me
has never faltered
never altered
never changed
no, the thing that makes me happiest
in that far-off childhood world
is sadly
the mcdonald's happy meal toy
and that exquisite joy they bring to me
on this particular saturday
they were hawking 'the little mermaid'
in honor of her dvd release
so, of course this sent me straight back there
what was it?
second grade?
first?
whatever the time
whatever the year
i was in it
for about ten minutes or so
and it was beautiful
it was terrifying
it was time to turn off the t.v.