look deep or look away

not much to say
to those who don't say back
is the initial impulse
THAT IS NOT THE REASON
quickly follows suit

this isn't poetry
this isn't art
this is life spewed forward
fast
bold
ugly
true
(alongside any other four letter word that you can think of...)

i've been finding myself
wishing
that i had the mind, reason or motivation
to truly SAY SOMETHING
every single day
in this place
at this time
and often, often i do try
but it can seem an impossible task
to accomplish

and frankly
i don't always have the drive
(nor the freelancer's paycheck)
to make this an
editorial
essay
review
or
significant work
EVERY SINGLE DAY

mostly i just stream of consciousness
ramble
babble
whatever
and for the better or the worse

but what has to be reminded
of oneself
i think
when all the little shit
seems so especially "little"
is that it's the
every day
that makes the work significant
and it's the
every day
that makes the time worthwhile

this is not a quarter mid-life crisis
for me
this is just the waiting room
and
what is coming next
as soon as the receptionist calls out my name
is what i'm waiting for

i've got to go now
scottie m is on his way
and it's been too long
between more than friends
soulmates
partners
brothers
blood