The Green Mile

Getting through College came with its fair share of challenges and setbacks. Coming to terms with an unpopular sexual preference wasn't always a walk in the park. Allowing myself to be open to the realities of love is an ongoing journey. And looking for an apartment really sucks. But I've learned in this time that nothing, I repeat nothing, even COMES CLOSE to the trials and tribulations of making that ever-so impossible transition from cream based salad dressings to those other health-conscious, disgusting, tasteless, evil kinds.

I was a boy raised on Blue Cheese and Ranch, often times enjoying even a Peppercorn Ranch or Hearty Blue Cheese. As an adolescent I grew to love all things Caesar and could often be found drowning my lettuce leaves in its rich splendor. The jokes would come and go regarding my greens to toppings ratio. And they often went something like, "Hey, you enjoying that salad with your dressing?" But I'd giggle and grin A. Because I was skinny. And B. Because I knew that even though pizza was inevitably on the upcoming dinner menu, for lunch I was being healthy. I WAS EATING SALAD, GODDAMIT!

Well, you can imagine my horror when I discovered, Shock Of Shocks, that a mixed green mealtime treat covered with often even the slightest bit of cream or oil-based dressing (a.k.a. pretty much ALL the good ones) will be just as fattening and calorie filled as a Bacon Cheeseburger! I just could not and would not believe such a story. I mean come on, a salad simply cannot be as bad for you as a Bacon Cheeseburger! Until I asked around and pretty much everyone conferred. It's not that the salad is any worse for you. In fact, in many ways it's better. But a salad containing any of the dressings mentioned above can be just as fattening as, yes, our good friend from the cow family. Moo!

Which got me to thinking about all these new "healthy option" salads suddenly available at our local fast food restaurants. You know the ones with the Bacon Ranch and the "Crispy" Fried Chicken on top? If all this information is true then that would mean that as America's obese grimaces down that generally unsavory Salad Choice while greedily eyeing the Big Mac combo (but secretly patting themselves on the back for taking the healthy route) then they are actually consuming something no better for them than a Quarter Pounder with Cheese or a Fried Fish Filet.

It's HARD to be healthy in today's time. Taking care of your body can seem downright impossible without the availability of a personal trainer, private chef, dietician, god-given appetite for organically unprocessed foods and a bank account to support each of these requirements. Literally every single bit of food we see on television, print and at the check out aisle of our grocery stores is bad for us. French fries, Oreos, Pringles, Burger King, Candy Bars, Soda pop. This is what we see every day. This is what is easy. This is what is fast. And often, most importantly, this is what is cheap.

But it's seeming to me that nowadays everything that's cheap is bad, unless you know exactly where to look. And everything easy or affordable or ingeniously advertised comes with its own secret and dangerous price. The transition from readily-available to right-for-you is hard to make but is designed that way I suppose. Often times there's no way around it but through it.

I love foods that are bad for me. I could easily continue enjoying them until the end of time. And they will certainly always play some sort of role in my eating habits. The thought of a world filled only with Fat Free Italian, Raspberry Vinaigrette or Calorie Free Sundried Tomato Water-Goop is a pretty terrifying one. But then again, a life filled only with pizzas and cupcakes and batter dipped fish sticks gives me heartburn just at the thought. There is room for both. Not one without the other. Balance, like they say, Balance to everything. It's gonna take one bite at a time. One day at a time. The fork in the road is now, and this is the time to choose which path works best for you.