an autumn slow fade

words.
so many of millions have been set down before me. novels, journals, theses, songs, blogs, cave walls
who cares what I think?
sometimes it seems who cares what anybody thinks except for oneself.
this blog of mine is silly and self-indulgent and small.
But life often is silly and self-indulgent and small.
If it wasn't, then it would have to be serious and lived based on others' expectations and huge.
There is room for both.
I wanna put positive energy out into the world.
I also want to be blonde.
Some things just weren't meant to be...
I was described last night by someone who means more to me than most anyone as an "optimist negative"
stuck between the two, I think he might be onto something.
Genuinely, whole-heartedly optimistic. Every day a wake up on the right side. But simultaneously inherently honest, verbal, critical, truth-seeking and thusly (I suppose) negative.
When explained about how to look for the good in life, trying to see positive in all-- I told my boyfriend, "I'm not ready to be that happy."
There is room for both.
Wallowing in self-doubt or pity is a life wasted. Respecting the beautiful melancholy of it all, taking in those times...
(to this blogger anyways) is a life lived in full.